The Reality of Insanity (original version)
by SajaWrites
Summary: Who cares about insanity? It's what makes life fun. Even if it's because your friends think it's a good idea to keep the kitten-turned Akatsuki from your favorite anime as pets. I mean it's going to be okay. Right? This story is being re-done under the same title, it's on my profile.
1. Blurb

Blurb

This girl is psychotic. There was no question about it. Everyone she knew would tell you. Her neighbors, classmates, and her small group of friends (composed of 2 other people). She was reckless, sarcastic, and she has a sense of the purest form of insanity. She is a 17-year-old high school student that would strongly argue with you about religion, art, emotions, world peace, cannibalism, the economy (or at least money), weapons, and other psychos. You name it, she will argue with you about it for hours. She's an anime loving, music loving, martial arts loving badass. She is Aspen Claire.

Oh, yeah. By the way. I'm Aspen Claire.


	2. Prologue

Wolfy-Sama: I'm happy to continue this story! I'm glad that someone actually wants to read it!

 **Prologue**

Aspen Claire's POV

I glared. If looks could kill, Lana "Lala" Gold and Natalia "Nat" West would be DEAD. No question about it.

"Absolutely fucking not." I blatantly refuse. "No."

"But whyyyyy!?" Lala was literally begging.

"You act like they're going to kill you." Nat laughs.

I was glaring at Lala but my eyes moved to Nat and then finally the large box that Nat was holding.

"They probably will. I absolutely refuse to keep 10 damn kittens in my home. You want them so let them live with you." I snarl. They know I hate cats. Not to mention allergic.

"But the landlord of our apartment doesn't allow more than 1 pet! There's 10!" Lana starts to cry and I wince.

I glare at Nat again when she snickers. She's well aware of the fact that I'm about to give in.

"Oh, won't you please?" Nat asks sarcastically.

"PLEASE!" Lala grabs on to my shoulders.

"Fine, fine. I'll take the devil incarnates." I mutter in defeat.

"HOORAY!" Lana wraps me up in hug and I hug back.

 _*laughter*_

… Natalia West.

 _*SMACK*_ I stop hugging Lala long enough to smack the back of Nat's head for laughing at me.

God damn it all to Hell.


	3. Chapter 1- Bizarre Misfits

**A/N- So this is again for Wolfy-Sama (my favorite and only reader) please don't kill me! I know it's late! I think I'm going to do updates every Tuesday and Friday for this story. But I'm not entirely sure yet.**

 **Disclaimer- No unfortunately I don't own the Akatsuki. But damn… If I did… I do own Nat, Lala, and Aspen. If you use their characters let me know and please give me credit at the very least.**

 **They are still undeveloped but mommy (me) loves them very much. And mommy (still me) loves her readers and reviewers too. Don't worry. When I refer to myself as mommy I tend to refer to myself in 3rd person. Even though I'm more than likely younger than the majority of you lot.**

 **And can anyone find the Panic! At the Disco song reference in here?**

 **Chapter 1- Bizarre Misfits**

Aspen Claire's POV

I sprawled across the bench in the backroom of the Hot Topic I worked at. I was fucking tired damn it. Thank whoever was watching over me that my shift was O-V-E-R over. Why did I work here again?

Oh. Yeah.

I'm broke and I actually like this store.

"Aspen?" A loud, happy, yet curious voice called into the backroom. "I know you're in here. You're shift is just ending, there's no way you've left already."

"You're not staff, why are you back here?" I finally grace her with a response.

'Her' being one of my two friends, Lana "Lala" Gold. Yeah, I know. Only two friends? This chick must be a fucking loser. Nah. I'm happier with less people to stab me in the back. I'm better off with a few close friends then a bunch of backstabbing bitches. Not that Lala and Natalia "Nat" West weren't bitches every now and then. But then again, so was I.

Lala stood there in all of her beautiful glory. Five feet and seven inches (model height), dirty blonde hair, almost fluorescent green eyes, and a blinding smile. She looked like she belonged in a Summer issue of a Hollister magazine wearing a bikini or something. The only thing I liked at Hollister was their ripped jeans and flannel. But even then I bought those for better prices elsewhere.

Nat walked in like she owned the place, clocked me out, and then dragged me out of the backroom and then out of the store while yelling "Au Revoir" to my boss. Who, by the way, didn't even react to me being kidnapped because it happened so often.

As soon as we exited the store Lala started excitedly blabbering a million miles a minute. "Oh my God, Aspen! They are so cute. Just wait till you see them! You'll fall in love right away. I mean thanks so much for agreeing to take of them. Sure, they are a little odd looking but I love them so much. A few of them are kinda feisty but who cares! They are a-freaking-dorable! Aspen-"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I cut her off. It was safe to say that I was currently more confused then I have ever been in my entire life.

"The kittens!" She yelled excitedly.

"What kittens?" I stare at her like she's suddenly grown a second head. Kittens? I'm allergic, shouldn't she know that by this point? I mean she's known me for how long?

Her face fell and I immediately felt terrible.

"Lala… I kind of forgot to ask her…" Nat trailed off nervously.

"Wait. You didn't ask her?" Lala gasped.

For the next 10 minutes on the way back to Nat and Lala's shared apartment they argued. About what, I have no idea. I zoned out.

I unlocked the door to the apartment with the set of keys I had copied after I had stolen Nat's out of her pocket one day for my own purposes and they continued to argue on the elevator up to their floor.

In the middle of their well-furnished living room was a box. A box of kittens.

Fucking Kittens.

Quite possibly the weirdest of the cat species I had ever seen.

"Can you please take care of them Aspen? We can't have pets in the apartment!" Lala started to beg.

"C'mon. You know you want to." Nat smiled innocently.

Bullshit. She didn't forget. She just didn't want to be the one I said no to. She's aware that no way in heaven or hell I would be able to say no to Lala. I could say no to Nat though.

I glared. If looks could kill, Lana "Lala" Gold and Natalia "Nat" West would be DEAD. No question about it.

"Absolutely fucking not." I blatantly refuse. "No."

"But whyyyyy!?" Lala was literally begging.

"You act like they're going to kill you." Nat laughs.

I was glaring at Lala but my eyes moved to Nat and then finally the large box that Nat had moved to pick up.

"They probably will. I absolutely refuse to keep 10 damn kittens in my home. You want them so let them live with you." I snarl. They know I hate cats. Not to mention allergic.

"But the landlord of our apartment doesn't allow more than 1 pet! There are 10!" Lana starts to cry and I wince.

I glare at Nat again when she snickers. She's well aware of the fact that I'm about to give in.

"Oh, won't you please?" Nat asks sarcastically.

"PLEASE!" Lala grabs on to my shoulders.

"Fine, fine. I'll take the devil incarnates." I mutter in defeat.

"HOORAY!" Lana wraps me up in hug and I hug back.

*Laughter*

… Natalia West.

*SMACK* I stop hugging Lala long enough to smack the back of Nat's head for laughing at me.

God damn it all to Hell.

I left their apartment feeling rather defeated. I set the box gently down on the kitchen table. As much as I hate cats, I hated animal cruelty more.

I walked down the hallway and into the bathroom to grab my allergy pills. I'm going to need a lot more these because of those little shits.

I walked back into the kitchen and stared at the box on my kitchen table.

"Well fuck." I muttered out loud.

I cautiously moved towards the box and stared a little more. C'mon Aspen, they're just kittens. They can't kill you!

… OH. Wait. Crap. Allergies, right. Whatever. They can always blame Nat.

I pulled the first kitten I could reach out of the box. It was kinda cute. At first glance it was an black tabby that looked like its face had been dipped in orange paint with black lollipop-like swirls on his face. One ear was orange and the other black. The poor thing had one of its eyes shut like he was winking. Catfight? The other eye was black and I shook my head when I thought I saw it flash red. The cat quickly started to zigzag around the tabletop. Much like a little child running around a park.

"Sugar." I muttered.

The kitten froze and stared at me.

"Sugar. That's your name. I know it's not very masculine but your face reminds me of a lollipop and you remind me of a young child who's had too much sugar." I explained.

I giggled as Sugar made a purring noise of contentment and continued to zigzag across the table.

I. Fucking. Giggled. What the hell? Jashin or Kami or God save my poor soul.

I reached for the next kitten and yelped in pain dropping Satan's spawn on the table next to Sugar.

First I glared at the silver kitten that I just pulled out of the box with violet eyes. He had a grey Jashin amulet hanging around his neck and his fur seemed to be slicked back over his head. Then I glared at the three scratch marks that marred the skin of my right hand.

"I'm allergic to cats motherfucker. If I end up dead, you all end up on the streets because the other two can't keep you in their no pets apartment. That's why you're here." As I glare I hear the other kittens yelping and whining. The silver cat looks proud of himself. That little shit!

"Chill, I just took some allergy pills." I mutter and the whimpering stops. I stand up and move back to the bathroom to clean off the cut and bandage it.

"I should name you Fucker. Or Satan." I tell him as I drop myself on the floor in front of the table, where I had originally been before I got up to clean the cuts. I hear noises of kitten like laughter from his little buddies.

"Jashin instead though, because of your amulet." He gives me a feral grin and moves himself to the far end of the table. As far away from me, Sugar, and the box of kittens on the top left corner of my six feet by five feet table.

I make a grab for the next kitten and silently pray to whoever will listen that this kitten doesn't scratch me.

Out comes a gorgeous navy kitten with a white origami flower tucked behind her ear. She also had a dark spot that could emulate a piercing below her bottom lip. (Do cats have lips?) This must be the sole female feline Lala was referring to. The poor thing, she has to put up with nine males. I can't even handle that many people directly all at once in a personal situation unless at school. Freaking social anxiety.

She sits on her haunches and looks up at me from the table expectantly.

"Tenshi. Angel in Japanese and kanji because it would have to take a saint or an angel to deal with nine freaking males." She nuzzles my right hand, which lies on the table and I smile. I kinda like her. She has amber eyes with a striking calm to them. There isn't much of that in my life and I need some. I let Tenshi jump into my lap and I make a grab for my next new pet.

I quickly realize I'm going to need both hands for him. I stare at the large blue cat with gill like markings on his face and sharp, shark-like teeth filling his mouth. He had these beady, black eyes that followed your every move. Lala wasn't kidding when she said some of these kittens were rather odd.

"Same. It means shark in Japanese. It seems fitting to me." I watch as he traipses awkwardly across the table. Like he wasn't used to walking on four legs.

I stare at him curiously but then shake myself out of it and reach for my next victim, I mean kitten.

I pull out a bright red kitten. Not an orange tabby. I mean Bright Ariana Grande's Victorious character "Cat" (ironic huh) red. Goddamn. I love him anyway. He looks as bored as I always do. He had the kanji for scorpion on his chest and brown eyes that looked as bored as he seemed in general. Or maybe the proper term is nonchalant? Stoic? It's something along those lines.

"Scorpion. Due to the kanji on your chest." It's simple as that.

The next kitten I pull out has to be the weirdest colored … kitten, I have ever seen in my entire 16 (almost 17) years of living. He's split exactly in half. He had white fur on the right side of his body and black on the left. A tuft of green fur rested on top of his head. Yellow eyes and sharp teeth stare back at me.

"Yin-Yang. You seem split and there is conflict in your eyes. BPD maybe?" I decide, telling the kitten. He moves to where Sugar has settled himself and plops down near him as if to keep an eye on him.

The next kitten also requires both of my hands to be pulled out of the box. It's a brown tabby cat that I instantly feel bad for. The large kitten has stitches that seem to be holding the kitten together everywhere. Who the hell does this to their freaking pet!? I hate cats but I don't hate them that much! The hate simply stems from the allergic reactions from certain kittens! (Jashin aka the Satan Fucker as well as many other crabby Kitties I have met in my lifetime) The kitten doesn't seem to like being touched, more than likely from lack of trust. So I immediately set him down on the table for comfort and he sets himself down next to Jashin and plays with my wallet. The pupils of his eyes are a lovely green. But his eyes are oddly striking because the cornea is an angry, bloodshot red. And I don't mean veins. I mean pure red. He looks up at me expectantly holding a few dollar bills in between his paws. I don't worry about him clawing them though because it's almost as if he understands their value.

"I want to name you Stitches but I feel like that might be cruel."

I receive no visible response from the kitten.

"You seem to like money, I'll name you Yen, which is the Japanese currency. I seem to be naming most of you in Japanese." This gets me a reaction and he seems to grin. Which is kind of terrifying.

The next kitten isn't the biggest but he's not small either. He's a ginger tabby with the coolest fucking eyes ever. They're like the fucking Rinnegan that Pein from Naruto Shippuden has. Holy fuck man. He has piercing like markings all over his face also much like Pein.

"Meowwwww!" Sugar yelps and moves away from Jashin. That fucker just jumped on one of my favorite kittens! (Despite the fact that I hadn't even made it through the entire box yet.) The other kittens both inside and outside the box begin to riot. They start yelping and meowing and making pained noises and I don't know how to react.

Before I CAN react though the kitten I had just pulled out of the box loudly makes a noise that sounds almost like a command. Immediately the kittens cease to make noises and move. The kitten begins to reprimand Jashin but I cut him off.

"Leader. Because you clearly have more control over this bunch than I happen to." He nods his head and jumps off the table and next to me. He settles himself close to my leg and close to Tenshi. They all seem to be partnered up.

Sugar and Yin-Yang.

Yen and Jashin.

Tenshi and Leader.

Which leaves Same and Scorpion partner less. For now. I have to more kittens to go. Speaking of which, right before I pull out the next kitten Tenshi climbs out of my lap and next to Leader. They jump back on the table and seem to overlook everyone. Same jumps off the table and rests his head on my leg.

The second to last kitten has been declared my favorite. Maybe the last one? And also asides from Tenshi. My favorite male kitten. There we go. He's a beautiful black kitten with Onyx eyes and he possesses a calm that I never will. His gaze is calculating and he seems to be one of the normal kittens of the bunch. I blink when I see his eyes flash red. It was probably nothing more than a trick of the light. I'm probably just tired. It's almost ten in the evening after all.

"Noir. It means black in French. Plus I like the word." I pick up the kitten and set him in my lap. I begin to pet his fur, much like how I treated Tenshi before she picked Leader over me. Tch.

He gives an inaudible purr. I can only tell because my hand is resting on his head. But I highly doubt that it was heard by any of the others. It's not like they seem to be paying him any mind anyway.

Finally. Last but not least. I'm freaking tired.

He's a honey blonde kitten with shocking blue eyes. He has a tuft of fur over his left eye. And he has a scar on his chest. Fucking Barbie. But I'm not naming him that. I'm mean but I'm not cruel. He scampers to the end of the table to stare out my window. I glance out the window. Some of the other kittens wander over to watch too.

"Don't mind the fireworks, it's July 1st so this Saturday, July 4th, is Independence Day for the United States. Also known as a national holiday. My neighbors are fucking crazy anyway. That will probably go on for another two hours, midnight or not. The kittens all move back to their original places except Scorpion who plops himself down next to the Blondie who is still watching the fireworks.

"Katsu!" I suddenly yell terrifying all of the kittens as they all jump and look around. As if the fireworks were INSIDE my house and not outside in my neighbor's yard.

They all turn wide-eyed to stare at me.

"Blondie's name is Katsu. Because art is a fucking bang, yeah." I explain using one of my favorite English translations of Deidara of the Akatsuki's verbal tick.

"You all are a ragtag team." I comment observing the ten completely odd and completely different kittens.

They all turn to stare at me.

"It's okay… Just like you guys and Nat and Lala, the two girls who found you…" I try to think of a way to elaborate.

"I'm a bizarre misfit too."


	4. Chapter 2- Cretins

**A/N- Well. I've got nothing. No I still don't own the Akatsuki. Sigh… Happy 4th of July (yeah I know it's tomorrow)! I'm glad I'm actually updating this at the time I wanted to, it's a miracle really. I promise the next chapter will be longer though.**

 **Chapter 2- Cretins**

 **Itachi's POV**

The girl known as Aspen set us down on the table and disappeared down a hallway.

"This world is so strange, yeah." Deidara mentioned from my right.

"You don't need to state the obvious brat." Sasori boredly responded.

"What the fuck are we even doing here in this shithole of a world?" Hidan demanded looking angered.

"I think you're asking the wrong questions." Zetsu muttered almost inaudibly.

"Oh fucking really? Then what the fuck have you got you pissy plant?"

"How did we get here and why are we felines." Came the flat response.

"Tobi thinks it Orochimaru's fault." The masked man yelled.

"Why the hell do you say that?" My larger, blue partner inquired.

"Because Tobi saw him in the base with us. But Tobi didn't think it was important."

"And why didn't you mention this?" Growled Kakuzu.

"Because Orochimaru told Tobi that he was just going to his old lab for something. He told Tobi that Tobi would be a good boy if Tobi didn't say anything."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" The Jashinist screamed launching himself at the kitten.

Deidara and Kisame yelled and joined in the fray.

"Shut up, all of you. For now we will have to live in this world with the girl. Our first order of business will be turning human again and then our second will be returning back to the base." If we still had been human, I have no doubts that Pein would be rubbing his temple.

Konan rested a paw on his shoulder.

"Well, fuck." The teenager seemed to have come back from wherever she was. This world didn't seem to have chakra and it was odd that I couldn't sense her re-entering the room.

She reached into the box and pulled out Tobi first.

"Sugar." The girl muttered.

We listened as Tobi stopped running around the table, as we could no longer hear his claws clicking on the wood.

"Sugar. That's your name. I know it's not very masculine but your face reminds me of a lollipop and you remind me of a young child who's had too much sugar." She explained and the running continued after a contented purr.

 _Click. Clack. Click. Clack._

The teenager giggled but then cut herself off short as if it surprised her. How odd. The people of this world seem rather carefree. At least her two companions, the girls that found us. Why would she be surprised by her own laughter?

Hidan was the next out of the box and the first thing he did was attempt to maul her hand.

The girl yelped and yanked her hand away, dropping Hidan on the table in the process.

"I'm allergic to cats motherfucker. If I end up dead, you all end up on the streets because the other two can't keep you in their no pets apartment. That's why you're here."

Immediately Deidara, Kisame, Tobi, and Kakuzu started to yell death threats at the Jashinist.

Pein, Konan, and Zetsu growled while Sasori and I merely remained silent.

"Chill, I just took some allergy pills." The teenager mutters and the whimpers and growls cease. The teenager stands up and leaves once again.

"I should name you Fucker. Or Satan." The girl tells Hidan as she returns. Deidara and Kisame laugh; Zetsu, Sasori, and Konan snicker; I hear Tobi gasp and say, "That's not nice!" while Kakuzu, Pein, and I merely smirk.

"Jashin instead though, because of your amulet." It's interesting that she knows of the religion.

Next to leave the box is Konan.

"Tenshi. Angel in Japanese and kanji because it would have to take a saint or an angel to deal with nine freaking males." She names her. The teenager let Konan jump in her lap and she begins to absentmindedly stroke the kitten.

It is almost as if we are back in Amegakure. Where the civilians knew her by the same name and showed her their adoration.

I watch as the girl struggles with one hand to get my partner out of the box and eventually resolves to the use of both.

"Same. It means shark in Japanese. It seems fitting to me." I hear my partner move rather loudly for a ninja, cat or not, across the table.

She moves quickly along to pull Sasori out of the box and name him.

"Scorpion. Due to the kanji on your chest." Her explanation is simple and quick as well.

She nearly stops completely as she sees Zetsu but rather blinks but continues on with her task.

"Yin-Yang. You seem split and there is conflict in your eyes. BPD maybe?"

We all stare at her in surprise. She managed to tell by only his eyes? She doesn't seem to notice our pause and pulls out Kakuzu with both hands. She sees his obvious unease and sets him down on the table right away. Kakuzu moves straight to her wallet and steals some of her currency. It isn't the same as our worlds but money is money to the miser.

"I want to name you Stitches but I feel like that might be cruel." Deidara, Hidan, and Kisame laugh at his expense but the miser himself doesn't react.

"You seem to like money, I'll name you Yen, which is the Japanese currency. I seem to be naming most of you in Japanese." She finally says eyeing the money in between his paws.

He gives a grin that seems to terrify the girl.

She observes Pein after pulling him out of the box but her head snaps up at Tobi's distressed cry.

"Hidannnnn-Sempaiiiiii!" He yelps.

The entire Akatsuki start to yell (Deidara cheers) and the girl seems to be at loss.

"Silence!" Pein yells and a few of the others jump and silence falls over us. Pein opens his mouth to reprimand Hidan but is cut off.

"Leader. Because you clearly have more control over this bunch than I do." He merely nods his head and leaves it at that, jumping to sit next to our 'owners' leg to be close to Konan.

The girl pulls me out of the box and observes me. I am tempted to activate my Sharingan but I merely let it go off. She stares with a slight look of confusion but shakes it off.

"Noir. It means black in French. Plus I like the word." She sets me in her lap, which Konan just vacated to sit beside Pein. She continues to stroke my fur much like she had with Konan. I inaudibly purr but she seems to be well aware of it. Kisame has his head on the girls' leg. He jumped down off the table after Konan left and I was lifted out of the box it seems.

The last to leave the box is Deidara. She sets him on the table where the other 5 besides Sasori are seated with their partners. He runs past Sasori to stare out the window. Kisame, Hidan, Tobi, and Konan join him.

Fireworks.

"Don't mind the fireworks, it's July 1st so this Saturday, July 4th, is Independence Day for the United States. Also known as a national holiday. My neighbors are fucking crazy anyway. That will probably go on for another two hours, midnight or not." She explains with a smile and a laugh.

The Akatsuki move back to their original places and Sasori plops himself down next to Deidara. The blonde choses to remain at the edge of the table where he can continue to watch the colorful explosions in the night sky.

"Katsu!" The teenager suddenly yells and we all look around in surprise for an explosion.

"Like we needed another fucking terrorist." Hidan scoffs and Deidara growls at him.

With the exception of Pein and I at the revelation, the kitten turned Akatsuki stare at her wide-eyed.

"Blondie's name is Katsu. Because art is a fucking bang, yeah." Deidara preens and Sasori scowls. The rest groan.

"You all are a ragtag team." She comments observing us.

We all turn to stare at her.

"It's okay… Just like you guys and Nat and Lala, the two girls who found you…" She stops to think.

"I'm a bizarre misfit too."

We stare at her in surprise. I don't think anyone expected that response.

"Alright kitties bed time. It's a little after ten and I'm tired. You all can stay awake but you have to come to my room because I'm not letting you wreak havoc on my house in the middle of the night." She grabs the box and moves to put it in a different room and we proceed to follow her.

Upon entrance it becomes clear that this vast space is her kitchen.

"Bitch, I'm fucking hungry!" Hidan yells trying to get her attention.

"I could go for some grub." Kisame agrees.

"Me too, yeah."

"Tobi would also like something to eat!"

"You do realize that the girl **can't fucking understand you.** We merely sound like we **are meowing uncontrollably."** Zetsu pointed out to the more verbal members.

Hidan takes a menacing step forward. (As menacing as a kitten could be, to say the least.)

"Hm. You guys are probably hungry… What should I feed you? I don't have freaking cat food man." Hidan stops and stares at the girl and launches himself at her. He jumps from the girl to the island in the middle of the kitchen and onto her shoulder.

She puts a hand on his back to steady him and moves to the fridge. She stares inside and rests her hand on her cocked hip.

"Tuna?"

"Fuck no, bitch!"

"What's wrong with tuna? Stupid Jashinist." She mutters.

"Do cats eat fruit…?" She mutters again. "Salmon?" She questions again.

"You have a shitty taste in food." Hidan glares at the girl.

"Does nothing please you?" She glares back at Hidan and he begins to cackle.

"How about chicken?" She says looking at all of us this time.

Sounds of agreement and purring resound of the tile walls and she grins. She pulls a sealed container out and moves to the island. We make our way to the island at her feet and the ones who were complaining for food scamper over. She sets Hidan down on the ground and moves to the edge of the kitchen to pull out ten little bowls and a larger one. We continue to observe her as she washes her hands and puts the chicken cutlets in the large bowls. The girl grabs another set of ten small bowls and fills them with water one at a time and sets them on the floor against the island for us. The odd machine beeps and she pulls the chicken out of the rectangular box screwed to the wall. She takes a few pieces and puts them in each bowl and sets one bowl down beside each bowl of water.

"Wow! How long have you guys gone without eating? Did your last owners malnourish you all or something? Fucking bastard! I don't even like cats, mostly because I'm allergic, but that's no way to treat your own god damn pet!" She rants observing Hidan, Kisame, Tobi, Zetsu, Deidara, and Konan scarf down the food. Pein, Kakuzu, Sasori; surprisingly enough, and I eat at a slower pace.

Konan looks up at her surprised over her concern and stops eating long enough to nuzzle her leg. The girl leans down and pets the top of her head affectionately and pushes Konan back to her bowl of food.

"I don't like this fucking bitch." Hidan says in between a mouthful of food,

"That's only because she doesn't like you either, yeah." Deidara points out.

"Shut up Blondie!" Hidan snarls back.

"At least tolerate her you cretins. Especially since she has agreed with her companions to take us in. She is housing and feeding us despite the fact that in these states of being we could easily kill her due to her allergies. Tolerate her until we are human again." Pein growls at them.

"We will not kill her or her friends after we are human again." Konan interjects.

"Why the fuck not?" Hidan demands.

"Because she is caring for us and I expect to see her friends come and visit." She snaps.

"They will not be sacrificed, blown up, eaten, maimed, or otherwise!" She glares at us all in turn and even Pein doesn't even bother arguing. When Konan feels strongly about something, it has been known that any of us males will inevitably lose the argument.

We look up to hear a laugh.

"It's almost as if you're all arguing or holding court or something of the sort! And inevitably the female wins." She continues laughing.

Konan preens under the attention.

Deidara is the one to launch himself at the teen this time, growling. Hidan joins almost immediately.

The girl doesn't falter and she grabs them by the scruffs of their necks.

"Aw. Don't get all worked up. It's a well-known fact that women always win. Now don't argue with me, you won't win. Now since you all seem to be done eating, I want to sleep. Let's get a move on kitties." She smirks and then drops the two to the ground, flicks off the lights, and lets us scramble to follow her in the darkness. I activate my Sharingan and follow after her.

She travels up a flight of stairs and down a long hallway. On the third door to the left she opens a door with a sign with her name, "Aspen," engraved into the wood. The room is flooded with light to reveal a spacious white room with black and red accents with a large cherry wood bed, a matching desk with a rotating chair in front of it, an open door revealing a large en suite bathroom, double, open doors that lead to a walk in closet, an odd, rectangular contraption with people acting on it mounted on the wall, a cherry wood bookcase that is well used and well filled, and a cherry wood structure that is four by four with wooden boxes for storage against the wall.

"This bitch is fucking loaded!" Hidan exclaims in what appears to be awe.

"I'll have to find her savings in here somewhere." Kakuzu mutters, glancing around.

"Kakuzu, leave the girls savings alone." Konan intervenes.

"Wonder if she's got any art supplies around here, yeah." Deidara thinks aloud and ventures further into the room.

"Probably nothing related to your insignificant view of your false sense of art, brat." Sasori responds.

"Don't you dare start an argument about art, cretins." Pein glares in their direction, silencing them from further discussion.

"She doesn't seem to have anyone else here with her. Despite the large space she lives in." Kisame mutters to me.

"Hn."

"I wonder if she'd miss any **of her fucking neighbors**." Zetsu comments from beside Kisame.

"Don't you dare go eating any of her neighbors." Konan replies flatly.

"Is he still cannibalistic if he eats humans or only if he eats cats now."

The only response to Kisame's question is silence.

"Welcome to my room. Mi casa es tu casa. Or if you don't speak Spanish, my house is your house." The girl had changed out of her odd clothing of ripped up red pants that looked too tight to be comfortable and a black tank top with the words 'Be Nice to People, it Confuses Them" in exchange for a plain, black t-shirt and red biker shorts.

"Based on her room and clothing colors, she favors Akatsuki colors and it's sweet of her to welcome us into her home." Konan smirks staring at the girl in amusement.

"So be it, she even goes as far to call it our home as well." Pein responds.

"For a teenager who calls this place home, the room seems rather plain, yeah." We all agree, glancing around at the barren walls.

"I know the place doesn't seem to be too homey but I just repainted the walls and I've been procrastinating re-decorating for the past 3 days when the paint fumes finally decided to vanish out the open window." She explains seeing us glance skeptically at the walls.

She turns the lights off and literally throws herself face first onto the duvet covering her bed.

A few members chuckle and we proceed to make our way to the bed. Zetsu, Kakuzu, and Kisame nestle by her feet. Tobi bounces onto her stomach. Hidan and Deidara burrow into her right side while Konan and Pein take her left. Sasori jumps onto the windowsill of the window on the far right wall of the room where the bed is pressed against the wall underneath. I place myself on her right side and tense when she pulls me under her arm…

But she is fast asleep.


	5. Chapter 3- Two Maniacs

**A/N- I'm surprised that people are actually reading this story. I'll edit this eventually. Just not today. Summer is unfortunately coming to a close. Damn… Anywho. I don't own the lyrics by AWOLNATION and FOB.**

 **Original Post: Aug. 20, 2015**

 **Tokubetsu Yozora: I'm glad that you feel like you have to! I'm having fun with this!**

 **Chapter 3- Two Maniacs**

"What the fuck?" I growl, feeling something heavy slam down into my stomach. I sigh when I realize it's only Sugar giving me a wakeup call. He jumps off of me when he realizes that I'm indeed awake and he moves around to investigate the room.

I glare at Jashin who moved from his previous spot on my right side (I sleep on my back if not in fetal position.) to groping my chest with his paws. He gives me a feline smirk and I glare harder, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and letting him drop 3 ½ feet to the floor. A few of the other kittens make appreciative noises that sound like laughter.

I take note of the other kittens. Katsu is still nestled into my right side and he is still asleep. I am still cuddling Noir but unlike Katsu, he is wide-awake like most of the other kittens. Scorpion is still at his post on my windowsill, also awake. Tenshi and Leader are both awake; Tenshi having stayed cuddled into my left side while Leader strayed away from her and me and is observing the entire room next to Scorpion on the windowsill. As for the last three that had been nestled into my left side, Yen is awake and traveling around the room, apparently looking for something, Same is the only other one besides Katsu that is still asleep, and Yin-Yang takes me a minute to find because he is in the corner diagonal to my bed where the door is. If it were to be open he would get hit.

I almost go back to sleep but my phone goes off signifying my 6:30am alarm. It could be later since it's the middle of summer but I never changed it after school got out and now with the alarm or not I get up at 6:30. But I enjoy getting up to music rather than silence.

The kittens have all jumped in surprise at the loud music playing from my iPhone; "Well he said one thing before I graduate. Never let your fear decide your fate! I say ya kill your heroes and fly, fly, baby don't cry. No need to worry cause everybody will die. Every day we just go, go, baby don't go. Don't you worry we love you more than you know."

I reach for my desk and grope around for my phone and turn it off because Katsu and Same are still sleeping but then belatedly realize that they're both glaring at me with half-lidded and half-awake eyes. I roll my eyes at them playfully and get out of bed, maneuvering around the kittens that are still on it. Since all the kittens are awake now I put Kill Your Heroes by AWOLNATION back on and sing along as I walk into my closet for clothes. My unmentionables, a black memoir t-shirt from the AWOLNATION concert I went to with Lala and Nat last month in New York since we had been on vacation there during the concert, my favorite destroyed red shorts, and a pair of black sandals. I walk into the bathroom to get changed, while kicking Same, Katsu, and Jashin out of the way and shutting the door in the faces of the three perverts and I hear growls of protest from the three, reprimanding from Tenshi, and snickers from a few others.

I get on with my morning routine, which now includes taking allergy pills, which takes me a little under half an hour. I open the door to my bathroom at 7:02 and I go downstairs to make breakfast with the kittens traveling close behind after grabbing my phone and turning off the music, which had currently been America's Sweetheart by Fall Out Boy.

"I wonder if I can feed you guys Poptarts?" I mutter going into the kitchen in search of some munchables for breakfast.

Sugar meows and paws my leg in confusion.

"On second thought no, you don't need any more sugar in your system." I laugh quietly.

He whimpers and Jashin whacks my leg with both of his paws. I glare at the kitten for the millionth time even though I haven't even had the kittens here for a full twelve hours.

I replace last night's bowls with new ones and clean water. I glance up to see Konan with the open cabinet door and motioning to the bags of cereal.

"You want cereal?"

A few of the kittens seem to agree so I put honey nut cheerios and milk in all the bowls and then put one strawberry Poptart on the edge of all ten bowls. It may not be safe to give them cereal but I'll bring them to the vet and ask those questions. I must be going insane to talk to cats though. I get a bowl of the same cereal and milk as well as a glass of orange juice and a pack of s'mores Poptarts.

At 7:12 all hell breaks loose because Nat and Lala come barging into the kitchen.

"FEED US!" Nat yells enthusiastically.

"My cute, little kittens!" Lala yells just as enthusiastically, if not more, at the same time.

"Make your own food, bitch." I mutter ignoring Lala for the time being. She has picked up Katsu and is showering him with love and attention. Some of the kittens have backed away from Katsu and Lala in either fear or annoyance. Fear because she looks like she's strangling poor Katsu and annoyance because she is almost ten times as loud as Naruto. Believe it.

Nat gasps in mock surprise but then proceeds to go raid my freezer for two packs of Uncrustables and my fridge for a Yoo-hoo! Chocolate drink instead of arguing with me.

"How did you even get into my house? I didn't give either of you spare keys. You two don't even know the garage code." My eyebrows furrow and I squint at Nat.

"The front door was open." Lala replies not even looking up from suffocating Katsu.

"Shit! I got so caught up in the kittens I forgot to lock the front door! I figured I would do it after taking my allergy pills but I never got around to it!" I start freaking out.

"Chill, it's too early for you to have a panic attack. You haven't even finished your breakfast yet." Nat reassures me halfheartedly.

"Lala, don't kill poor Katsu." I switch my attention away from the five foot five Auburn haired, green eyed, pale and freckled skinned Irish girl and back to the blonde when I hear the poor kitten yelp louder.

"Awe! You named them without us? I wanted to name Katsu 'Blondie' though!" She whined.

I heard cat laughter at the 'Blondie' thing.

"If you want me to keep the cats it will be by my standards. And even though the thought crossed my mind, calling him 'Blondie' is probably animal cruelty.

"Why Katsu?" Nat looked up from waving a hundred dollar bill in front of the face of an annoyed Yen was trying to get it.

"Because my neighbors were blowing up fireworks and he seemed the most interested in them and because Katsu! Art is a bang, un." I replied once again scaring the kittens shitless with my unnecessary yelling.

"What are the other kittens names and why?" Lala asks and Nat looks up after giving up the one hundred dollars to Yen and laughing as the kittens jump at my yelling.

"Well you know Katsu's name and reason. The kitten that you were messing with, Nat, is Yen because as you can see he likes money and I was on a Japanese stint at the time of naming. Also, the first thing he did after getting out of the box was take money from my wallet that I had left on the table."

"The first thing he did was steal money from you?" Nat laughed at me and nuzzled the cat.

"That's not nice!" Lala smacked the back of Nat's head for laughing at me and I rolled my eyes.

"It's not like he ripped it up." I muttered.

"But still!" Lala crossed her arms and pouted and Nat laughed harder.

"Next is Jashin, or Fucker and Satan as I have respectfully dubbed him-" I get cut off.

"Why Jashin, Fucker, and Satan?" Nat asks laughing harder than she was the first time.

"Aspen! That's so mean! You can't just name a cat… those crude names! And I thought Jashinism was a dead religion?"

I snicker at Lala's lack of ability to swear and use fluent profanity.

"Jashin because of his amulet, dead religion or not. His nicknames are Fucker and Satan because the little devil spawn is a fucker sent from Satan; if he isn't actually Satan himself." I glare at the cat as he puffs up and looks proud as if I had just complimented him.

"What about the kitten you're petting? I thought you hated cats!" Lala gasped, staring disbelievingly at the kitten under the palm of my hand.

"Not to mention your allergies." Nat laughs. AGAIN.

"This is Noir. I named him that because of his black fur and because I like the French translation of the word. I hate MOST cats. Take Jashin for instance. I don't favor him. I actually like these cats because they seem to possess human like qualities and it entertains me. I'm not going to lie, I favor Noir over most of the male cats. And I am now taking more allergy pills than humanly healthy." I explain to them.

"SEE! I knew you would like these kittens!" Lala yelled.

"Be careful with all the pills you have to take though." Nat muttered, actually looking concerned for once.

All the kittens froze and Lala looked up from petting Katsu.

"Why don't I call my doctor about it? To put you guys at ease." I pull my cellphone out of my shorts pocket.

"Please." Lala smiles and Nat snickers at her over enthusiasm.

I dial the number and put it on speakerphone.

The kittens all jump at the voice that comes through, as if they've never seen a cellphone and I snicker.

"Dr. Lisa Gold's office, this is she speaking, how may I help you?" Lala's mom, also known as my doctor answers.

"HEY MOM!" Lala yells.

And I hear a clatter as she drops the phone from the volume of her daughter's voice. Some of the kittens jump as well.

"Lana?" She asks.

"Hey Mama Gold, I'm here too!" Nat yells, but not quite as loudly as Lala.

"Hello Natalia, dear. I assume Aspen is there as well?" She asks.

"Hi Mama Gold. I'm here. I'm actually the one who called. Are you busy?" I respond, the only of us that doesn't scream.

"I'm never too busy for my girls. Is something the matter?" She asks worriedly. I love Mrs. Gold as if she was my own mom. Even though Lala was her only biological daughter, she loved Nat and I only a little bit less. Lala always called us the sisters she always wanted. She has two older brothers though.

"So have you heard about Lala and Nat's latest stunt?" I asked.

"What? No! Is anybody seriously injured? Are you all okay? Please tell me you didn't set Aspens house on fire for a third time! Or go for a walk in the woods without following the trails again! Or go to another party with stupid teenagers and too much alcohol again! Or-!" She starts hyperventilating, leaving her doctor mode and instead going into worried and overprotective mom mode.

I hear the kittens snickering at our many faults.

"Mom! Have a little more faith in us!" Lala gasps sounding somewhat appalled at her mom's lack of trust in her.

"It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I'm worried about your well-being." She responds to her daughter as reassuringly as possible.

Lala pouts indignantly but doesn't say anything.

"Is she pouting?" Mama Gold asks, even though she can't see her daughter.

"Hn." I respond. And the kittens gasp and chatter but quickly quiet to hear the rest of the conversation.

"Aw c'mon Lala, you know your mom is just looking out for us. Especially because even though we're older than Aspen, yet she's way more mature." Nat laughs good naturedly at Lala's pouting.

"What do you mean? I'm totally more mature." She grumbles.

"Sweetie, both times Aspens house set on fire she wasn't even home, it was you two. The time you got lost in the woods Aspen was fourteen and the two of you were sixteen already and you got lost and we had a search party looking for you for two days. They found you with poison ivy, Aspen with a sprained ankle, and Natalia crying for food. AND she's the one who stayed sober and managed to get you home from that stupid party you three went to last weekend." Mama Gold explained and the kittens did their little kitten laughter and Nat was snorting from laughing so hard.

"My daughter is pouting again isn't she?" It wasn't a question.

Nat snorted harder and that's all the response she needed to know that Lala was indeed still pouting.

"So this particular stunt is a lot less dangerous. I think. She merely brought home a box of ten kittens, but she forgot that she could only have one pet at a time in the apartment that Nat and her share. So I decided to take the kittens due to her begging. You can hear the entire story at a later date. The two of them are worried about me though because of my cat allergies. Given the allergy itself isn't that bad. But now I have permanent custody of not one but ten cats." I explain.

"Hmm, I see. Then what is the problem? You have your allergy pills." She asked somewhat confused.

"Well we called you because of the dosage. Instead of my normal one pill that I take when I end up around cats because I carry my pills in my messenger bag, I took two last night when I first got the kittens home and two this morning when I got up. Lala and Nat don't want me to get sick from overdose or something. Especially over my other prescription meds." I explain further.

"Ah. I see. One should be fine every morning before you eat, the second one might be dangerous. If that doesn't work add only half of a pill. If that doesn't work then come to me and I'll give you a stronger allergy pill. While we're on the topic of meds and cats, two questions." She tells me.

"Okay, got it. What are the questions?"

"First, have you changed the dosage of your other meds? That might affect what I'm assuming based on your allergy pill brand. Secondly, do you know how to wash a cat scratch? I don't want you girls to get a disease or cat scratch fever."

"No. My doses haven't changed since you last set them." I respond.

"We all know how to clean cat scratches after we looked it up because of Whiskers, that feisty little thing." Lala giggles to her mom.

"Yep. Try not to use hot water and use mild soap. We're going to need it with Jashin. He's feistier than four of Whiskers." Nat snickers.

I roll my eyes, Nat snickers, and Lala giggles as Jashin puffs up his chest again. Bastard.

"Alright then girls, take care! I'll see you three at the Gold household for dinner tonight. Bring the kittens and cats." She promptly hung up after we all said goodbye.

"Reassured?" I asked looking at Lana and Nat.

"Mhmm! I'm glad we called!" Lala exclaimed.

"Especially because she cut down your dosage." Nat muttered.

"Can you tell us the other kittens names now?" Lala bounces up and down on her seat on the floor. Happy now that she knows my meds are okay.

"Sure. The bright red kitten is named Scorpion because of the Kanji on his chest." I explain next.

"I like that, it seems fitting." Nat comments.

"You should've named him Velvet."

Naturally, Nat and the more expressive kittens laugh because Scorpion twitches and I roll my eyes at my blonde friend.

"That seems too feminine." I reply flatly.

"So!" She argues with no support.

"Next kitten." I sigh, ignoring her.

"Same (1) is the large blue, shark like kitten. Same means shark in Japanese."

"Personally I think you should have named him Catfish!"

"Nat! You have to give them proper names not animal names!" Lala slapped the back of her head again.

"But he is an animal!" She argued.

"I don't care!" _*SLAP*_

"We abuse Nat too much, Lala." I mutter under my breath.

The said abused girl hisses at us. And of course the current abuser hisses back. I merely roll my eyes. One day my eyes are going to get stuck like that. At least that's what Nat's dad tells me. It falls on deaf ears though.

"The sole female is named Tenshi. The reasoning behind this is because I believe she has to be an angel or a saint to deal with nine freaking males all the time." I motion towards the beautiful, navy kitten.

"Awe! She's precious!" Lala squeals while Nat and I wince at the loud decibels of sound exiting our friends' mouth.

"Preach. You and I were one of the boys back in middle school." Nat agrees and I snicker fond memories of the hellhole we called middle school. Well, fond memories of the people we called friends anyway.

"I still don't get why we always had to hang out with the boys!" Lala complains.

"We didn't have to, Lala. We chose to! Girls in middle school are worse than high school. The only difference is that they get a lot more desperate for guys. Aspen get on with the introductions, you're almost done!"

I laughed at Nat but did as she said. I only have three more kittens to go.

"So this kitten is Leader. I named him that because he seems to be more authoritative over the kittens than I am despite being their quote, unquote, owner." I point to the ginger tabby using my fingers to quote, unquote, the word owner.

"The cat has more control than you do?" Laughing obnoxiously, Nat rolls around on the floor where we had been sitting since I had started introducing the kittens.

I glare at the teenager and she freezes at my stony glance.

"Don't rip Nat's head off Aspen, you can get her back another day!"

"Or she can never get me back." Nervous chuckles escape her lips and I glare harder.

"Anyways. The ½ and ½ kitten with the green tuft of fur on his head is Ying-Yang because he seems to have split personalities or BPD." I stop glaring at her for a few seconds; I can always get Nat back at a later date.

"How can you tell?" Lala asks, confused.

"Because we've hung out with your brother before. He's got Dissociative Identity Disorder or BPD or something like that (2)." The auburn haired teen points out.

"Oh yeah!"

I stare at the blonde in disbelief. How the hell do you forget your brother has a disorder like that one? I shake my head. She's always been kind of a ditz, but that's what makes her Lala.

"And last but not least-"

Kitten chatter.

"-Is Sugar. His name is based on the fact that his face reminds me of a lollipop and because he's got the same amount of energy as Lala. Like we needed two of her." I commented, motioning to the very last kitten.

"But I'm a good girl!" She argues and the kittens suddenly freak out, especially Sugar.

And then there were two maniacs. Great.

 **«**

 **(1) Same (Sah-May)**

 **(2) Dissociative Identity Disorder- It's split personalities. BPD is Borderline Personality Disorder. There are differences between them and Schizophrenia and BD amongst other things and I'm trying to make Lala's brother his own character as well. I'm trying to figure out which I can most accurately depict. Along with my other characters.**


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